Monica’s Corner

How I Stopped Walking on Eggshells

How I Stopped Walking on Eggshells

3 Ways to Stop Walking on Eggshells

Finding myself quite busy these past few weeks, I wasn’t sure what my next blog topic was going to be about.  If you know me, I’m a planner.  Yes, I have a go-to list of possible topics I could use but I wanted something different, something fresh on my mind.  As I enter a new year soon (hi 31!!), I have found myself being extremely blunt (yet respectful) with friends, associates, coworkers, and colleagues.  Simply put, I am at a place in my life where I prefer to no longer walk on eggshells.  Have you heard of this saying before?  If not, it means to be overly careful in dealing with a person or situation because they get angry or offended very easily.  You basically try very hard not to upset someone or something.  Granted, we should be sensitive to our friends and loved one’s feelings. However, “comfortability” does not make us grow.  It makes us comfortable.  There comes a point where we must simply stop walking on eggshells and stop trying to “save face.”  Is it easy?  Of course not.  Here are three ways I actively stop walking on eggshells in my life:

  1. Speak Up…

    My very first manager after college gave me some great advice.  At that time, I didn’t really understand the importance of her words.  I was the quiet, reserved, person at work.  Yes, I did my work well but it wasn’t something I’d brag about or highlight on my own.  However, my manager told me to stop being afraid of my accomplishments.  She also told me to not be afraid to ask for what I needed to effectively do my job.  She told me:  “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.”  At that time, being only 20, I got it but I didn’t get it.  Now, I fully get it.  In your life, both personal and professional, at some point, you have to stop walking on eggshells and being afraid to “hurt” someone’s feelings because you can’t do something or you intend to do something they may not like.  From a professional standpoint, my nontraditional “9-5” is highly regulated.  I have to tell managers and the-like no sometimes.  I have to tell people who run organizations of thousands of employees no.  Is it always the easiest conversation?  Nope.  However, when you know that you are right and your answer is based in regulation or some sort of policy, speak up.  Do not be afraid to be heard.  Do not be afraid to highlight your accomplishments when you know a promotion is up in the office.  Do not downplay your success because you do not want your colleague to be offended that you want that very position. Personally, do not be afraid to speak up and tell a friend or even your significant other that something is not making you happy.  They may not even know.  The squeaky wheel gets the oil.  Sometimes we are so afraid to hurt the feelings of others that we suffer and no one knows.  Don’t be afraid to speak up when something bothers you.

  2. Apologize but be firm…                                                                                                                           

    I know I’m not the only one who immediately thinks this when people start a conversation with “I don’t mean any harm, but….”  “I don’t mean to offend you, but…”  Honestly, in my mind, I’m already going you’re about to offend me lol.  However, it is a gateway into not walking on eggshells.  I’m guilty of being overly sensitive in my personal life.  The slightest thing can sometimes offend me, especially if from a friend.  However, as I continue to grow and become even more self-aware, I ask myself: Am I truly offended by what was said or are you just overanalyzing as usual?  Am I playing the game of assumptions?  If my mind is spinning, I simply stop walking on eggshells.  When it comes to speaking up, sometimes you may have to start with the typical “I don’t mean any harm but this will not be happening because….”  You have to be willing to deal with conflict.  I’m not saying go out there looking to start conflicts or disagreements.  However, if something is bothering you and it continues to linger, it will not help you suddenly get into a better place.  This goes for both your professional and personal life.  Now, at work, you are paid to walk on a few eggshells.  Don’t lose that good job trying to face an issue without being sensitive to the ramifications.  However, do not be afraid to speak up when you are within regulations and policy.  You can still be polite yet firm.  I often say no with a smile.  My smile is fixed on my face throughout the day unless you continue to challenge me.  I will try to educate you as to why I said no and present alternatives.  However, at some point, “no” does not always remedy the situation.  At that point, you must not be afraid to crack those eggshells when defending your decision or recommendation.  On a personal level, there does need to be tact when dealing with a friend or loved one, however, simply hoping a situation will go away will not resolve itself on its own.  Even if the situation goes away, are you truly okay with not addressing it?  If not, don’t walk on eggshells.  Tell your friend how their actions are impacting you or be honest with them as to why you are personally offended.  Apologize but be firm.  Your happiness is important in your life as well.

  3. Ignoring “it” won’t resolve “it”…    

    What have you been ignoring or accepting the last few weeks?  What have you been accepting all year?  People will treat you exactly how you allow them too unless you refuse to accept it.  What have you been allowing your friend to continue to do or continue to complain about without giving your honest advice?  Ignoring “it” will not resolve “it.”  The honest truth is that no matter what we say, no matter how sensitive we try to be, we may not get the answer we want.   I’ve learned to not ask a question until I am open to receiving any answer, favorable or unfavorable.  You may very well hurt my feelings even more.  However,  if I’m asking a question and looking for a particular answer, that means I am not truly ready to address the situation.  I am still basically walking on eggshells.  We have to realize that weeds untreated do not simply go away.  My homeowners know how wild weeds can grow when left untreated.  You have to pull the weeds up or at least spray them with weed killer.  If you are walking on eggshells in your own home, that is no way to live.  Address the situation.  Will it be easy?  Will you only mention it once and it immediately resolve itself?  I can’t promise that.  Will your loved-one or friend be offended?  Possibly.  However, be genuine yet firm.  Be understanding yet communicative.  Communication is effective when mixed with comprehension.  You may still agree to disagree, but for me, personally, getting things off my chest is therapeutic.   Normally, once I have spoken my mind, I am over the situation (unless it continues to repeat itself).  Ignoring it will not resolve it.  Don’t be afraid to speak up.  Do not be afraid to walk away from a friendship or relationship that no longer serves you.  Do not be afraid to advocate for your own emotional well-being.  It is perfectly okay to highlight an issue but still be willing and open to the other individuals point of view.  Who knows, you may just find common ground…

[tweetthis display_mode=”box”]”The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” #speakup[/tweetthis]

 

-Monica


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Monica’s Corner…

Monica’s Corner…

Ask a Life Coach 

Dear Monica: I’m a lady of a certain age and I have been out of school for nearly 20 years.  I love my job but I’d really like to be promoted.  With the position I’m currently in, I do not qualify for a promotion because I do not have enough college credits.  I’m scared to go back to school.  Really scared.  I’ve been out of school for so long that I don’t think I can do it.  Do I just accept that I won’t ever get a promotion or do I focus my efforts on something different.  I do have a business part-time but I’m not as focused on my business nor returning back to school.  I love my actual job and it’s really flexible.  Even if I left this job, I would still not qualify without going back to college.  Help. – B

Dear B: First, you have to decide what you truly want for your life.  Do you want that promotion?  Do you want to focus on your business?  Or can you somehow do both?  The feeling of fear and uncertainty are normal.  I remember when I decided that I would go back to school for my Masters.  I had been out of college for about 7 years.  I was terrified.  Honestly, half-way through I wanted to just quit.  I did not and about a month ago I graduated with my Masters.  It took me about two years to finish but I am so glad I took that leap.  If you really want that promotion, you are going to have to do the very thing that scares you.  Guess what, even if you don’t go back to school, the time will pass anyway and you will still be in that position.  Are you okay with that?  You mentioned your job was flexible.  Are they willing to let you devote some time to school while at work?  Some jobs understand that class credits are needed for promotion opportunity.  Talk with your supervisor and see if they are willing to help you with class credits, financially and through support.  I won’t sit here and say school will be a breeze.  It will be difficult.  You will second-guess yourself.  You will want to quit.  However, do not quit on you.  And guess what, it’s only temporary.  Temporary sacrifice for a lifetime gain.  Here’s what I want you to do:  Gather your transcripts and find out how many credits you truly need.  Call a few schools in the area or even online and talk with them about their programs.  Find a program that best suits your needs.  Set a realistic timeframe to return back to school.  This means paying for the class by that date.  Now, as for your business, is your heart in your business?  If school is just not in the cards for you, yes, you can definitely focus on your business.  The choice is up to you.  Make the choice that brings in additional income while being fulfilling to you.  Either way, continually remind yourself that rather you sit stagnant or make strides towards accomplishing your goals, the time will pass anyway.  As I always say, you have to get out of your own way and live the life you desire.  You decide what is best for you but it may not be a walk in the park.  However, it will all be worth it when you accomplish that very goal you’ve been desiring.  Thanks for writing in!!

  • Monica

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 Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your complimentary coaching session (yes, free) for more details.  Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


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Monica’s Corner…

Monica’s Corner…

Ask a Life Coach

Dear Monica: I was so hesitant about this and really had to work up the nerve.  I work in the Ask a Life Coach
insurance field and there is not a lot of room for growth where I reside.  I’m comfortable here, our house is paid for and we are comfortable, however, both my husband and I are getting bored with our jobs because there isn’t a lot of room for growth or opportunities. We are considering moving, there is a lot of opportunity in both our fields.  He’s ready to leave, but I’m terrified (mostly because we will be paying rent again after 10 years).  I know what the answer should be, but I think it would help hearing it from someone that is successful and took that jump. – A

Dear A:  First, I want to thank you for working up the nerve to write in your question.  You’re already taking the first step at getting uncomfortable.  Fear and hesitation are normal emotions that we must acknowledge.  Even though we acknowledge them, this does not mean that we succumb or give into them.  Here’s what I want you to do:  Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle.  I want you to write the pros and cons of staying where you are now versus moving for potential opportunity.  Which list is longer?!?  Sometimes, even if one list is longer or shorter than the other, some pros have a heavier weight than the cons.  Can you and your husband secure a position with growth opportunity prior to the move?  I know several companies who have assisted their employees in transitioning to a new job in a new area.  Can you remain with the same company and transfer to the new area?  Once you get to the area, you can both establish realistic timeframes of finding even more opportunities!  Now, in regards to the rent, I know the feeling.  I remember when I first moved to the Washington DC area, I had a roommate.  After a year, my roommate decided it would be best for her to move in with some relatives to save money.  I still hold this against her till this day.  Just kidding 🙂  Honestly, I panicked.  How was I going to find an apartment just as good for about the same price in this high DC area rent market.  I established a budget and what I was willing to pay.  Yes, I had to pay about $300 more than what I was accustomed too.  Your husband seems onboard with the possible move so I would sit down with him and research the rental rates in the area and establish a budget that makes you both comfortable.  With new opportunity comes more money!  Who knows, you may love the area and end up purchasing a house there too!  Have you considered renting out your current home?  If so, you can use some of that money towards your rental in the new location.  Ultimately, sometimes change is uncomfortable.  Change is not always easy.  As I always say, sometimes you have to simply do it in fear.  Sometimes you have to take that jump in uncertainty.  If you’re tired of watching the same rerun on the tv, you have to get up, get the remote and change the channel.  You can do this.  You just have to silence that little fear bug and create a realistic plan that both you and your husband can agree on.  You and he are more than capable of accomplishing what you all desire.  Set a realistic timeframe, budget, and save for the move.  Save an amount that you and your husband feel comfortable in the event you move before one of you has a new job.  I think that you know the answer.  You just have to convince yourself.  What’s stopping you?  Is it a legitimate fear or are you standing in your own way.  As I always say, get out of your own way and live the life you desire.  It’s your canvas, paint it 🙂  Thanks for writing in!!

-Monica


Are we connected on social media??

Facebook: monicataylorspeaks

Instagram: monicaspeaks_

Twitter: monicaspeaks_

Periscope: monicaspeaks_

Download my free guide—5 Strategies to Get Rid of Self Doubt.  

Download my free guide- 5 Ways to Practice Self-Care


Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your complimentary, yes free, introductory session.

Have a question for a life coach?  Submit your question here.  

Having an event?  Contact me at contactus@iamwys.com for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.  


 Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your complimentary coaching session (yes, free) for more details.  Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


 What’s Your Story? Shop iamWYS Gear

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