monicataylorspeaks

#AskaLifeCoach

#AskaLifeCoach

Monica’s Corner

Dear Monica,

I was offered a job in another city but I’m not sure if I should take it.  I’m single with no kids.  I’m not dating anyone seriously and I really think it would be a great for my career.  I’m just scared that things will go wrong.  I don’t want to uproot my life and then things don’t work out.  I also don’t want to leave my family.  They depend on me financially and I think that I would be leaving them when they really need me.  I just don’t know how to convince myself that I should take this job.  It’s a really great opportunity in my field.  Everything in me says yes but I’m just not sure.  My family thinks I should take the job but I think they are just saying that to not make me have to chose between family and a job…help.

-C.


Dear C.

Thank you for writing into Monica’s Corner.  Changing jobs and moving to a new city at once can definitely be scary.  About three weeks after graduating from college, I moved from South Carolina to the DC area (Alexandria, Virginia to be specific).  I left my parents and my brother and moved to a new city nearly 8 hours aways.  I did not have any family in the area but I did end up renting an apartment with a friend from my hometown.  It was definitely scary moving to the “big city.”  The honest truth is that sometimes you have to do the very thing that scares you.  You have to step out of your comfort zone.  If you really want to take this job and you are in a position to make the move, I say go for it.  You can still help your parents financially, if you choose too.  If it will be too much of a burden, communicate that to your parents but you must make the best decision for you.  It seems that your family is encouraging your move.  Trust them.  Sit down and talk with your parents.  Have an honest conversation with them.  I’d like to know more about your relationship with you parents so I can help you even more in navigating that conversation.  You’d be surprised to learn that they want nothing but the best for you.  Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first.  It’s okay to choose and find your own happiness.  When I’m unsure about doing something or going after a new opportunity, I remind myself of this– I know what  I have.  That’s comfortable.  However, I’ll never know what the other could be if I don’t at least try.  Even if you don’t like the job, guess what?  You can move back!  Don’t burn any bridges.  I’m sure you can always return home if needed.  Grow, learn, and flourish.  Make that move. I can tell by your email you want to take this opportunity.  Don’t focus on all of the things that can go wrong.  What if it actually goes right?  Take the job.  I believe in you…You just have to believe in yourself.

-Monica

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Failure before Success

Failure before Success

When’s the Last Time You Failed?

Failing can be a scary word.  When’s the last time you failed or didn’t quite get it right?  Embrace the near win.  Don’t be afraid to fail!  One failure or failed attempt does not make you a failure!  Keep going strong.  Don’t be afraid to fail.  Fail bravely and win successfully!  Check out my latest youtube video on stepping outside of your own fear of failure.

Year of 31: Thirty-One Things I’ve Learned

Year of 31: Thirty-One Things I’ve Learned

31 Things I’ve Learned…

I can’t believe it’s been a year since I published my I Fell in Love piece.  It was a blog post dedicated to me embracing 30, entering a new decade.  Another birthday has arrived and I’m looking forward to31 years old blog the year of 31.  At the beginning of the year, I made a choice to focus on two things: my health and finishing my masters.  I must admit I nearly put my business on the back burner.  I wanted to pour everything into my business but I had to pour into myself first.  I am so thankful I took the beginning of 2017 to care for the most important person in my life: SELF.  As I enter 31, I want to share 31 things I’ve learned over time.  I’m in a good space.  Are things perfect? No.  Do I fear some things happening that I cannot change?  Yes.  Regardless of the ups and downs, these are 31 things that will let you into my world.  31 life personal life lessons.  Rather these lessons were learned through positive or plain ole cried my eyeballs out moments, I’m truly thankful.  I am grateful to see 31…

  1. Never fear growing old. 

    Many of my classmates, friends, and even relatives never saw 31.  I use to fear growing old.  I thought I would be one of those women who would hide their age.  I will shout my age to the mountaintops rather it be 31 or 61.  No day is guaranteed and honestly, not even a minute is guaranteed.  There isn’t even a guarantee that I’ll be here to publish this post when I turn 31.  Never fear getting old.  Even if you have not accomplished what society thinks you should have accomplished by a certain age.  Be grateful to see another year.  We must embrace what some will never have the chance to see the very year you’re celebrating…

  2. Things will happen in it’s own time…

    Timing is everything right?  I look back at how I thought my life would turn out.  Of course there are things I still desire but I choose to be in a place where I refuse to settle to please people or even friends who do not actually spend 24 hours a day with me.  I have made mistakes but those very mistakes made me.  They made me stronger.  They made me wiser.  You cannot always rush timing.  When you rush it, you only end up in a situation you will later regret or event resent.  We will not always get it right on the first try or even the third try.  This does not mean we quit.  Things will happen in the right time.  The right time is exactly when it happens.  I’ve learned to embrace the timing of life…

  3. #XXXXGoals aren’t real…

    Rather it be relationship goals, squad goals, or whatever you appear to see, I learned more than a few years ago that everything we see that shines is not gold.  Do I look to others as inspiration?  Of course!  However, I know that I must create my own goals.  Sometimes we canLive the life you desire become so caught up in wanting what someone else has that we don’t appreciate what is before our very own eyes.  Let’s be real.  There are so many people faking on social media or simply holding it together so people won’t discover whatever they’re selling isn’t authentic.  Regardless, I have learned that I don’t have to go out of my way to prove their dishonesty or uncover their truth.  Likewise, people will have their opinion of you, of me.  Create your own lane.  You never know what a person has to do to stay through, or maintain, to keep those #goals.  You may want his/her life but could you truly handle the hardships and struggles they had to endure to get to their level of success today.

  4. Screw what you looked like in high school. 

    Okay, maybe this one isn’t for everyone.  I wasn’t necessarily the prettiest by the popular guys standards in high school.  Did I have guys who liked me? Of course! However my dad was not having that (lol).   I still remember when he jokingly threatened my high school classmate when he thought he was trying to flirt with me.  Funny thing, that made the guy and I actually talk more because that was not what he was trying to do.  For all my “ugly ducklings”, first of all, YOU ARE NOT UGLY.  You are wonderfully made.  You are beautiful rather one person sees it or not.  You are worth everything you desire.  Make yourself feel beautiful each day.  I love the woman that stares back at me in the mirror.  Is she perfect by society’s standards?  Probably not.  Do I still overthink every outfit?  Yes (lol).  But, I’m perfectly imperfectly in love with me.  And if I see a cute guy, I’ll smile.  Be confident in yourself.  

  5. There’s more to life than high school. 

    In high school, my parents were pretty strict (with reason of course).  They just wanted the best for me.  They knew there was more to life than high school.  They knew the importance of establishing oneself and getting off to a good start.  For the not so popular kids, do not worry about popularity.  Just do like most and reinvent yourself in college (lol).  But seriously, there is more to life than high school.  Friendships will change.  Some will remain intact and some will grow distant.  Don’t get so focused on being the popular or cool kid that you forget that when you walk across that stage, the world sees you as an adult…

  6. Children don’t come with a manual.  

    Wouldn’t it be nice if we were all born with a manual that would describe our unique personality and how to best raise us?  Children do not come with a manual.  You have to forgive and even accept your parents for doing their very best (or lack thereof).  Parents are not perfect and neither are we.  Be grateful for the love they showed by even caring that you were out late or when you didn’t do something that was asked of you.  For those who unfortunately had some crappy parents, begin the healing process.   Your mom or dad may never accept the lifestyle you choose to live.  They may never accept you…Begin the healing process for yourself, not for you parents.  Sometimes hurt people hurt people.  Does it excuse what a parent may have done to you? Of course not.  The healing and forgiveness is for you.  It’s so you can sleep at night and find some sort of peace.  The honest truth is that sometimes parents are trying to find themselves while raising their children.  They have pain that you wouldn’t even begin to imagine.  They’re figuring out life just as we are…

  7. Don’t force yourself into something you’re not ready for. 

    I’m glad to be in a place where I can step away from something that may seem like what I want but I know I won’t be happy.  I never was the girl who wanted five kids.  My closest friends know sometimes I even wonder if I want children.  I won’t force myself into something I’m not ready for.  If it’s meant to happen, it will happen in the right timing.  For now, I’m glad to have learned to unapologetically love me prior to bringing a child into this world and birthing my behaviors and mannerisms, and even my fears unto a child.  Don’t force yourself into anything you’re truly not ready for.

  8. Stop apologizing for living life the way you want too. 

    I stopped apologizing for not wanting what others wanted.  I don’t apologize for wanting to accomplish certain things before I shift my life.  I won’t apologize for being that girl who can read with you, pray with you, encourage you, and even twerk with you.  I’m a woman of many facets and passions.  I no longer apologize for not living up to everyone’s expectation of the “preacher’s daughter.”  Do I still recognize I have an image to uphold? Of course!  However, I allow myself to explore every aspect of my own personality unapologetically.  Stop letting people who don’t finance you or feed you dictate every decision in your life.  As I get older, people who have known me since high school or even my earlier years in DC have witnessed my change.  I am accepting of myself, flaws and all.  I won’t apologize for the life I chose to live.  I can’t hold my mistakes against myself forever.  I can only say I’m sorry.  I choose to move on and accept me, every part of me.  

  9. Take care of you first. 

    Health is wealth.  Wealth is health.  How can you enjoy the fruits of your own labor if you’re continually tired, exhausted, or sick?  At the beginning of the year, I took a drastic measure to gain control of my health, my diabetes.  I did not apologize and will not apologize for putting my health first.  Taking care of self is so important.  As I’ve always said, how can you save the world if you’re drowning?  I knew that I would drown if I didn’t take care of me. We often take our health for granted.  Our youth is the perfect time to practice good habits that will follow us into our adulthood.

  10. Relationships end. 

    Remember that guy or girl you were super in love with?  The one you just knew you’d marry? Yeah that one.  Relationships end.  People grow apart.  The guy who you walked away from may have married the next woman but maybe he was the one before the one. Don’t give up on love.  However, you have to stop holding on to people who don’t want to be held.  Stop trying to maintain a relationship for the sake of Facebook.  You know he or she doesn’t fulfill you but you don’t want your friends to see you “fail.”  Stop tossing your happiness to the side to maintain the peace.  Relationships end.  Let them end.  Let that man walk away.  You walk away.  Once you’ve given someone multiple times to get it together, more than likely, they aren’t.  Either accept that, accept what they are doing, or chose you.  Is it easy to walk away from relationships?  Of course not.  I know children can make the dynamics of walking away even harder.  However, in these 31 years, I’ve seen a lot when it comes to relationships.  I’ve had intimate conversations with friends and maintaining a relationship can sometimes be a full-time job.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  However, when you’re working hard at that job and seeing little  reward, consider turning in your resignation letter…

  11. Friendships end.

    There will be friends you thought you’d grow old with and your children’s children would be best friends.  Friendships end and sometimes they’re like seasons.  The beauty of seasons is they come back.  Do I wish I had every single friendship I had at 21 now?  Yes, however, I’m perfectly okay that some of my friendships have changed.  Not all of my friendships ended on a negative note.  We sometimes simply grow apart with the very people we love.  Sometimes we’re just in different spaces.  I love my friends with children but I don’t have any children so I understand their schedules have limitations that mine does not.  I do my best to maintain contact but I never take it personal if we go extended periods without communication.  Friendships unfortunately will end.  Sometimes because of a simple miscommunication.  You may have needed your best friend but she couldn’t be there for you because she needed you.  Even if you part, she can still be in your heart.  Respect the friendship you once had.  Respect each other’s deepest secret.  And sometimes, you may have to take the high road because she may not do the same.  Everyone isn’t meant to be in our lives forever…

  12. Make money moves. 

    Shout out to Cardi B! (Lol) But seriously,  be careful with the credit card debt. I wish someone would hack into my credit card accounts and magically erase my debt.  I wish I made better financial choices when I first moved to DC.  I wish I said no more and saved more. Be smart with your money.  Find a balance. You can miss a happy or two.  Happy hours have been around for years.  They aren’t going anywhere.  You don’t want to get into your thirties and have nothing to show for your hard work and the stress you’ve been through.  Make money moves.  And if you’ve messed up, get back on track.  I’ve messed up but in the very mess, I’ve learned to build up.  Make smart money moves.  

  13. Own something to call your own.

    I bought my first home at 26.  I bought it on a whim but I knew as I continued to earn more in my career, taxes would continue to go up.  I needed a tax write-off and I wasn’t trying to have a child.  Own something of your own.  Gain your independence.  It feels good for something, even if its an apartment or a car, to be your own.  You want to feel that sense of accomplishment when you can say this is mines.  I bought this.  It doesn’t have to happen when everyone else says it should happen.  Be wise but don’t be afraid to have something of your own. 

  14. It’s okay to change your mind.

    There were so many things I thought I wanted.  The very things I was okay with I no longer support.  The very things I once was against, I may actually support.  It’s okay to change your mind based on your own life experiences.  Don’t apologize for changing your opinion or view on something or someone.  Changing your mind is actually brave.  You’re saying I might have gotten it wrong.  I didn’t realize that there were other options or the one I selected may have worked but is no longer working.  We are human and allowed to change our mind…

  15. Everyone won’t like you.

    I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.  Some will just dislike me off principle.  I’m truly in a place where I gives zero “insert inappropriate words here” about someone not liking me.  Why so harsh? I’m not.  I think some of us spend too much time thinking or discussing insignificant people or people who we’ve shut off from our lives.  If you can’t tell me directly you don’t like me and address it, I won’t sit for hours discussing you.  I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I’m completely okay with that.  Everyone isn’t deserving of my mental energy.  I rather be making money moves.   Accept that you won’t mesh with everyone.  It doesn’t mean they are a hater or anything of that nature.  We just won’t vibe with every person we meet.  That is okay.

  16. Everything isn’t personal. 

    People have their own issues.  Not everybody hates you.  Not everybody is a hater.  Some people spend so much time proving a hater wrong that they forget it’s their own life to live.  Some people just aren’t in the position to cater to your ego.  It’s not personal they are tending to their own issues.  There will be people who simply want to help you.  Every critique is not personal.  Everything negative comment isn’t coming from a place of hate.  Some people simply see a greatness inside of you and they want to help you bring it to the forefront.  Sometimes our growth is within their critiques. 

  17. Learn to walk away. 

    This one was hard but in 30 I didn’t expect such a major shift in my personal relationships. Do I wish I could have worked a few things out? Of course, but I’ve learned to walk away. Learn to walk away from that situation or that man that no longer serves you.  I’ve also seeen people in my circle walk away from someone they loved.  Did they want too? No? Did they try everything they could? Yes.  We will hurt people but staying when you really aren’t happy will only hurt them worse.  I’ve learned that walking away does not mean I love you in any less.  My emotional well-being is so important.  I have so much other things that occur in my life that I simply cannot rescue everyone.  Some people have to rescue themselves.

  18. Crappy moments will happen.   

    There will be momentnts that will come out of left field.  Life can be crappy sometimes.  It’s just the game of life.  I’ve literally, in the past two weeks, received news that had me on my couch, knees in chest, crying.  Crappy moments will happen.  Life will knock us right as everything is going great.  This does not mean that you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the good moments in life.  There’s this quote by Brene Brown that has stuck with me a long time- “Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we can experience.  If we can’t experience joy, we start dress rehearsing tragedy.”  I can’t promise that everything you go after will simply work out with no bumps on the road.  I can’t promise you that you won’t lose someone who meant the world to you.  I can tell you that you can choose to be accepting and choose to be happy through it all.  

  19. Celebrate your wins.

    We can be so focused on the next chapter of our lives that we don’t celebrate our wins today.  If you’re like me, you may not even tell the world of your wins.  Celebrate and appreciate everything you have accomplished up to this point.  Life is a continuous journey of accomplishment and disappointments.  The goal is to master how you handle disappointments while making accomplishments.  

  20. Don’t dim your light for others.

    I was that girl who never wanted to make others feel bad if they hadn’t accomplished what I accomplished.  I knew that I had opportunities that some wish they had.  I know that I’m blessed.  In that same breath, I know I worked hard to be in this position.  I no longer dim my light for others.  Am I humble?  Yes, my friends are always quick to say she acting all humble right now.  I really am and I don’t feel like I have to say I’m humble.  I’m just grateful.  I know that everyone won’t get the opportunities that I had.  However, that does not mean you don’t create opportunity.  When those opportunities come up at work to shine light on the good job or projects you’ve done, don’t sit on your accomplishments.  Don’t dim your light so your coworker doesn’t feel uncomfortable.  You are deserving.  Go after those opportunities.  Create them if you have too.

  21. Everyone that claps for you isn’t cheering for you.  

    Disappointing right?  Everyone that smiles in our face isn’t necessarily happy for every win.  Some people are happy for you as long as you don’t have more than them.  You can’t let that get in your way.  Sometimes in the midst of telling everyone our goals, listen carefully to those disguised as friends.  You can’t share your goals with everyone.  Find that core group of friends you can trust.  Everyone that claps for you isn’t cheering for you.  It’s not always personal.  Some people dislike what they see in you because they wish they had the courage to do the very thing you’re doing.

  22. Stop trying to change people. 

    I learned a long time ago I am not a mechanic. Potential is great but do you actually like their current version.  I am not here to change you.  I will walk away before I overly exhaust myself trying to change a friend or a significant other.  Now, I didn’t always do that.  I have exhausted myself trying to help people work through their issues.  The honest truth is that is it is rewarding to see the change in people. However, I can’t make you want to change.  I learned to walk away from people who simply weren’t trying to change on their own.  Quite frankly, you don’t have to change for me.  As much as I may love a person and want them to be the one, I just can’t force any person into something they are not.  We just may no longer be a match, rather in a platonic sense or romantic.  It doesn’t mean I love him/her any less.  It just means that I choose to protect my energy, my space, and my mental peace.  

  23. It’s okay to cry.

    And boy have I had some on-the-floor crying sessions.  I made some terrible decisions.  Terrible!  (lol) People hurt me and I did some things that karma kicked me right on down.   I still remember a year I felt like karma would never end!  I had men lie to me, friends lie to me and more.  It created a mentality that probably wasn’t the most healthy.  I had a mentality for a while where I’d hurt you before you hurt me just out of protection.  I had years where my health was on the decline.  Years where the health of loved ones weighed on me.  Years where I took care of everyone but me.  It’s okay to be sad about what’s going on around you.  It’s okay to release those tears.  Release those fears.  However, after you finish crying, you must make the changes you can and accept those things that are in the past or inevitable to occur.  Keep fighting.

  24. Forgive yourself. 

    You will hurt people, intentionally and unintentionally.  I inflicted pain just like it was inflicted upon me.  Some people still may not know some of the things I’ve done.  The truth is I can’t  back and undo any of those things.  I can only apologize and hope that both of us find peace.   My dad always says you can’t cry over spilt milk.  Let it go.  Forgive yourself, even if they never forgive you…  

  25. Love yourself…

    Love your flaws. Love your awkward nose or that unique birthmark.  Love you.  Flaws are just imperfections trying to be perfect but they are imperfectly perfect.  I have embraced the remnants of acne that lay on my skin. I have embraced the my random emotional outbursts are what makes me unique.  I embrace that I’m not typical when it comes to certain things.   We must love everything that makes us- us.  Do we sometimes have to change?  Of course.  Not every flaw is a positive.  Love who you are today but embrace the woman or man you can become.    

  26. You will fail.  

    This one is hard right?  I was talking a good friend about what she wanted to accomplish in the new year and I was sharing some of my own goals.  We both talked about the need or desire to want things to be perfect before we start.  While you wait on perfection, someone else is getting started and doing the very thing you want to do imperfectly.  We will fail.  I think that in the new year or as I continue forward I want to be more transparent about my own failures.  So often, we hear or see people’s wins but few tell you that what they won this year they lost last year.  The very honor I’ll be getting in the next few weeks I didn’t actually get selected last year.  My first interview for a external promotion was terrible! No, terrible.  I know they wanted to get off the phone as bad I did.  How did I completely bomb a telephone interview.  Man, it was bad.  People will see where I’m at in my career now and how well I do in interviews.  I perfected my art of interviewing.  However, I failed at a few interviews to get where I am today.  One failure, or even forty, does not make you a failure.   We will not always get it right.  Perfect your craft along the way.

  27. You will win.  

    Yes, we will win.  However, we must play!  Just like the lottery, granted the odds are not always in our favor, we cannot win if we do not play.  Whatever idea you are sitting on, don’t wait until 2018 to get started. What can you do today?  If you’ve been hammering and laboring at the same goal for a few years now, don’t give up.  Maybe change your approach but your win is around the corner.  What if you quit now right before your win?  Remember I said I was thinking of putting my business on the back burner?  Literally a month later, I booked a conference.  What if I had quit?  You will win.  Maybe not immediately, but you will win.  You got this.

  28. You will get news that you have no other choice but to accept.

    In the midst of our wins, there will be disappointments.  We can’t spend our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Sometimes that news will just have to be accepted.  Remember I mentioned I cried about two weeks ago.  It wasn’t my own personal news but it affected me and will continue too.  However, I choose to embrace today and understand that things may or may not happen.  I’ll deal with it when it happens.  Am I avoiding it?  No.  I just know that even in my fight, it has its limitations.  I can’t consume myself on the “what-ifs.”  It may never happen and that would be even better.  However, sometimes we have to accept the very things we fear.  You do what you can to help the situation.  Change what you can.  Fight was hard as you can.  When you’ve fought as hard as you can, you sometimes have to accept the very things outside of your control.

  29. Chase after what you desire.  

    No person on this earth can want something for you more than you want it for yourself.  Put the work in.  Work smart.  It’s not always about hard work.  Be strategic.  Be vocal.  Chase after what you’ve convinced yourself you do not deserve.  Chase after what some don’t even understand why you’re chasing.  Believe in you.  Fear exists.  Fear is real.  However, sometimes we have to do it in fear.  Do it in uncertainty.  Do it when we do not even know what the result will be.  Throw fear aside.  This is your year.  2017 can still be your year!  You do not have to wait for 2018. Do it now.  Do it today.  Just do it.

  30. Don’t take people for granted.  

    We can become so consumed in our own lives that we forget to reach out to those who mean the most to us.  Don’t take people, rather it be friends, relatives, or coworkers for granted.  Cherish those friends who love the raw, unedited version of you.  Cherish those friends who let you can tell your deepest darkest secrets too without judgement.  Cherish those friends who understand you when you chose not to say anything and they are patient and don’t force you to reveal anything you would prefer not to just yet.  Cherish time.  Time is one thing that we cannot get back and it is not guaranteed.  If you think of someone, call them.  If something crosses your mind, put action behind it.  My mom always said give her flowers while she can smell them.  Give people there flowers.  If I had an unlimited bank account, I’d probably send each one of my friends an arrangement of flowers daily.  I know that even I don’t do as much as I could for my friends but I do not take the love, the moments, for granted.

  31. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

    My theme for 31 is being unapologetically me. It’s about confronting all of my fears and continuing to walk in my purpose.  Will I rid of all of my fears?  Probably not.  However, I will continue to let people in more and allow myself to take imperfect actions.  Just as I encourage clients to step out of their comfort zones, I will do the same for self.  I have an exciting few months coming  up.  I also don’t know what else is in store for the remainder of the year and even next year.  It’s okay to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves.  It’s okay to know that you’re doing everything you can but you still don’t feel like its enough.   Take it easy on yourself.  Making the right decision for our lives will sometimes leave us with a temporary sense of pain.  The honest truth is some of us are fighting against some heavy things.  We have things in our past that will reoccur and we thought we left it in one state only for it to hop a train and show up again.  You can’t make someone do exactly what you want them to do.  Letting go can be hard.  Choosing you can be difficult.  The common denominator is you.  Confront yourself.  You are not destined to be just like your mom, your dad, your sister, or whoever that relative is who didn’t quite ever see their dream into fruition.  If they counted you out, that just means they couldn’t count.  Just because you don’t see an example in your family or neighborhood doesn’t mean its not possible.  We will question our own vulnerability.  We may question our decisions but trust your decisions.   Vulnerability is the birthplace of creation.  Vulnerability is right before the magnificent creation.  I want to create and I intend to do just that in the year of 31.  May it be beautiful…

Happy Birthday to me…

xoxo

-Monica


Are we connected on social media??

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Download my free guide—5 Strategies to Get Rid of Self Doubt.  

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Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your introductory session.  Use Code: Seven and receive $50 off your first session!

Have a question for a life coach?  Submit your question here.

Having an event?  Contact me at contactus@iamwys.com for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.


Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your introductory coaching session for only $7 (Use the Code: SEVEN for a $50 discount).  We’ll determine if the 5 Week Challenge is for you! —Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


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How to Win at the Career Game

How to Win at the Career Game

3 Ways to Win at the Career Game!

Have you ever wondered how some people switch jobs so easily?  Is it even easy or are they doing something special to get ahead of the career game?  What’s their secret?  I have been fortunate to have a career since graduating from college in 2007.  A few weeks after graduating from South Carolina State University, I moved to the Washington DC area to work for the government.  Now, I will be completely honest and transparent that I have never worked for private industry full-time.  It’s just not a current desire.  However, I have personally coached and prepared resumes for friends and clients who work in the private industry.  My advice remains the same, rather you are in the “corporate world” or the good ole “gubment world.”  Whichever you chose, you must play to win.  If you desire growth in your field and the ability to be mobile, here are 3 ways to win at the career game:

  1. Network, Network, and Network some more!

    Seriously, networking is crucial.  Networking is just as important in the government (state, local, and federal) as it is important in the private/corporate world.  I’ll take it a step further.  I heard someone tell me a long time ago and it always rung true in my life–It’s not always about who YOU know.  It’s about who knows YOU.  Gone are the times where we simply work quietly in our offices or cubicles and just hope to get noticed.  You have to be vocal.  You have to step up for those assignments that put you elbow to elbow with the managers.  You have to step up for those assignments and task force teams that put you elbow to elbow with your colleagues.  Now, it is very important that your networking be genuine.  It’s not about what he/she can do for you.  What do you bring to the networking relationship?  I remember I use to help my boss with excel spreadsheets.  I didn’t do it for any particular reason other than to help.  However, I became the go-to-person for not only computer related things but eventually sample work documents.  My helpful nature was what got me noticed around coworkers and colleagues outside of my office.  To win at the career game, you must present yourself as an asset.  You not only present yourself as an asset but actually create something that your coworkers and colleagues know that they can only get it from you!  Even if everyone else in your office does the same thing, your pleasant demeanor can be the very reason they prefer to come to you.  This gets you noticed!  This gets your name in the conversations when they are looking for someone who may be open for a new opportunity, rather internal or external to your company.   To win at the career game, you must network, network, and network some more!

  2. Get your credentials up!

    Now, when I say credentials, I don’t always mean get an advanced degree.  To be completely honest, I didn’t return to school until after I reached a six figure salary in my career.  However, I had my credentials.  Get your credential game up! Whatever your field is, you must remain competitive.  Remember what I said earlier?  It’s not who you know but it is who knows you.  When someone recommends you for a position, you want to come to play!  You don’t want to strike out because you didn’t have the necessary qualifications.  Don’t just settle for the bare minimum either!  While I was contemplating attending graduate school, I obtained two private industry certifications in my field.  Did I need them?  Probably not.  However, it made me stand out amongst those who had the graduate degree.  I brought not only experience but credentials.  The time some of my counterparts spent in graduate school, I spent time on the job gaining valuable experience.  Now, if an advanced degree is necessary for advancement in your career, you’re going to have to bite the bullet and go back to school.  I know nobody wants to go back to school just for fun.  My last year of my masters I wanted to quit.  Yes, I just wanted my time back.  However, I wouldn’t change that experience.  I’m about to embark on a leadership program within my field.  I know that networking, my experience, and my skill-set played a huge role in being selected for this opportunity.  Dreading going back to school?  What certifications can you obtain in the interim?  What detail opportunities can you take?  Can you simply ask your colleague to show you how to work that system he/she operates? What job switches can you do to gain more experience in your desired field?  To win at the career game, you must get your credentials (and experience) up!

  3. Never Stop Learning!

    Let’s be honest, there will always be competition.  The career game is a competitive environment.  I remember when I was the youngest one in my office.  Now, I’m not always the youngest anymore.  I embrace new colleagues.  You cannot be fearful of helping those who come after you, rather younger or older.  As you teach others, you keep that knowledge fresh in your mind.  You also want to never stop learning.  Never stop perfecting your craft.  This isn’t just for those who work the “9-5” but business owners too.  Are you continually perfecting your craft?  Are you continually learning things and new procedures that can help you advance?  Are you reaching out to those in your field who are willing to give you knowledge.  There is so much free information out there.  Literally, you can find everything on Youtube.  Google is my best friend.  The internet puts the world of information at our fingertips.  Learn, learn, and learn some more.  To win the career game, you must never stop learning!

There is no one size fits all approach to winning at the career game but if you apply the steps above, you can begin and/or continue to see the fruits of your labor.  To win at the money game, you must be flexible at your own approach.  Be willing to adapt to something new.  If something is not working, change it.  Switch it up.  Take control of your career.  Take risks.  Take that job that scares you.  Don’t be afraid to start over.  Don’t be afraid to win at the career game…

-Monica


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Download my free guide—5 Strategies to Get Rid of Self Doubt.  

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Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your introductory session.  Use Code: Seven and receive $50 off your first session!

Have a question for a life coach?  Submit your question here.

Having an event?  Contact me at contactus@iamwys.com for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.


Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your introductory coaching session for only $7 (Use the Code: SEVEN for a $50 discount).  We’ll determine if the 5 Week Challenge is for you! —Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


 

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How I Stopped Walking on Eggshells

How I Stopped Walking on Eggshells

3 Ways to Stop Walking on Eggshells

Finding myself quite busy these past few weeks, I wasn’t sure what my next blog topic was going to be about.  If you know me, I’m a planner.  Yes, I have a go-to list of possible topics I could use but I wanted something different, something fresh on my mind.  As I enter a new year soon (hi 31!!), I have found myself being extremely blunt (yet respectful) with friends, associates, coworkers, and colleagues.  Simply put, I am at a place in my life where I prefer to no longer walk on eggshells.  Have you heard of this saying before?  If not, it means to be overly careful in dealing with a person or situation because they get angry or offended very easily.  You basically try very hard not to upset someone or something.  Granted, we should be sensitive to our friends and loved one’s feelings. However, “comfortability” does not make us grow.  It makes us comfortable.  There comes a point where we must simply stop walking on eggshells and stop trying to “save face.”  Is it easy?  Of course not.  Here are three ways I actively stop walking on eggshells in my life:

  1. Speak Up…

    My very first manager after college gave me some great advice.  At that time, I didn’t really understand the importance of her words.  I was the quiet, reserved, person at work.  Yes, I did my work well but it wasn’t something I’d brag about or highlight on my own.  However, my manager told me to stop being afraid of my accomplishments.  She also told me to not be afraid to ask for what I needed to effectively do my job.  She told me:  “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.”  At that time, being only 20, I got it but I didn’t get it.  Now, I fully get it.  In your life, both personal and professional, at some point, you have to stop walking on eggshells and being afraid to “hurt” someone’s feelings because you can’t do something or you intend to do something they may not like.  From a professional standpoint, my nontraditional “9-5” is highly regulated.  I have to tell managers and the-like no sometimes.  I have to tell people who run organizations of thousands of employees no.  Is it always the easiest conversation?  Nope.  However, when you know that you are right and your answer is based in regulation or some sort of policy, speak up.  Do not be afraid to be heard.  Do not be afraid to highlight your accomplishments when you know a promotion is up in the office.  Do not downplay your success because you do not want your colleague to be offended that you want that very position. Personally, do not be afraid to speak up and tell a friend or even your significant other that something is not making you happy.  They may not even know.  The squeaky wheel gets the oil.  Sometimes we are so afraid to hurt the feelings of others that we suffer and no one knows.  Don’t be afraid to speak up when something bothers you.

  2. Apologize but be firm…                                                                                                                           

    I know I’m not the only one who immediately thinks this when people start a conversation with “I don’t mean any harm, but….”  “I don’t mean to offend you, but…”  Honestly, in my mind, I’m already going you’re about to offend me lol.  However, it is a gateway into not walking on eggshells.  I’m guilty of being overly sensitive in my personal life.  The slightest thing can sometimes offend me, especially if from a friend.  However, as I continue to grow and become even more self-aware, I ask myself: Am I truly offended by what was said or are you just overanalyzing as usual?  Am I playing the game of assumptions?  If my mind is spinning, I simply stop walking on eggshells.  When it comes to speaking up, sometimes you may have to start with the typical “I don’t mean any harm but this will not be happening because….”  You have to be willing to deal with conflict.  I’m not saying go out there looking to start conflicts or disagreements.  However, if something is bothering you and it continues to linger, it will not help you suddenly get into a better place.  This goes for both your professional and personal life.  Now, at work, you are paid to walk on a few eggshells.  Don’t lose that good job trying to face an issue without being sensitive to the ramifications.  However, do not be afraid to speak up when you are within regulations and policy.  You can still be polite yet firm.  I often say no with a smile.  My smile is fixed on my face throughout the day unless you continue to challenge me.  I will try to educate you as to why I said no and present alternatives.  However, at some point, “no” does not always remedy the situation.  At that point, you must not be afraid to crack those eggshells when defending your decision or recommendation.  On a personal level, there does need to be tact when dealing with a friend or loved one, however, simply hoping a situation will go away will not resolve itself on its own.  Even if the situation goes away, are you truly okay with not addressing it?  If not, don’t walk on eggshells.  Tell your friend how their actions are impacting you or be honest with them as to why you are personally offended.  Apologize but be firm.  Your happiness is important in your life as well.

  3. Ignoring “it” won’t resolve “it”…    

    What have you been ignoring or accepting the last few weeks?  What have you been accepting all year?  People will treat you exactly how you allow them too unless you refuse to accept it.  What have you been allowing your friend to continue to do or continue to complain about without giving your honest advice?  Ignoring “it” will not resolve “it.”  The honest truth is that no matter what we say, no matter how sensitive we try to be, we may not get the answer we want.   I’ve learned to not ask a question until I am open to receiving any answer, favorable or unfavorable.  You may very well hurt my feelings even more.  However,  if I’m asking a question and looking for a particular answer, that means I am not truly ready to address the situation.  I am still basically walking on eggshells.  We have to realize that weeds untreated do not simply go away.  My homeowners know how wild weeds can grow when left untreated.  You have to pull the weeds up or at least spray them with weed killer.  If you are walking on eggshells in your own home, that is no way to live.  Address the situation.  Will it be easy?  Will you only mention it once and it immediately resolve itself?  I can’t promise that.  Will your loved-one or friend be offended?  Possibly.  However, be genuine yet firm.  Be understanding yet communicative.  Communication is effective when mixed with comprehension.  You may still agree to disagree, but for me, personally, getting things off my chest is therapeutic.   Normally, once I have spoken my mind, I am over the situation (unless it continues to repeat itself).  Ignoring it will not resolve it.  Don’t be afraid to speak up.  Do not be afraid to walk away from a friendship or relationship that no longer serves you.  Do not be afraid to advocate for your own emotional well-being.  It is perfectly okay to highlight an issue but still be willing and open to the other individuals point of view.  Who knows, you may just find common ground…

 

-Monica


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Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your complimentary coaching session (yes, free) for more details.  Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


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The World is Your Ocean

The World is Your Ocean

A few weeks ago, I took an unexpected trip to the beach with a good friend of mine.  When we first arrived, we took lots of pictures and then I told myself to unplug and enjoy the scenery.  Sometimes I need a mini-break from social media.  Quiet times allow me to gather my feelings and sort out my thoughts.  Sometimes we can spend so much time in our phones that we miss out on experiences.  As I looked out at the water, something came to me:  “The world is your ocean.  Rather you decide to swim or tread water, play in the ocean.”  How do you do that?  What do I mean?  Especially being that I cannot actually swim (lol)!  The world is my ocean.  The world is YOUR ocean.  Here are my three ways I encourage myself to play:

  1. Don’t be afraid to swim.

    This is coming from a person who cannot actually swim.  Metaphorically speaking, we must not be afraid to spread our wings and explore the ocean.  We must not fear the very things we desire.  We must not be afraid to step outside of our comfort zone.

  2. Tread water until you’re comfortable.

    I took a swimming class a few years ago and one thing I semi-learned was to tread water.  Sometimes you are simply tired or at a roadblock.  When you’re in the ocean, you either have to keep swimming or tread water to stay afloat.  Instead of returning back to the shore and quitting on your goals, tread water.  Think of your next move.  Think of how you can improve your life and your plan towards your goal.  Even in stagnant moments, we can begin planning our next move.  Tread water, learn and grow, while you get comfortable for the full out swim towards your goal.

  3. Be sure to enjoy the view.  

    Take a moment and truly bask in your accomplishments.  Sometimes we are so focused on what we need to get done that we do not celebrate our accomplishments.  Enjoy the view of the ocean, even if it is for the shore.  Life is not promised so be sure to bask in today.  Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.  Be sure to enjoy the view.  Be sure to enjoy those moments with family and friends.  It’s perfectly okay to make time for fun in between your hours of grinding.  Enjoy life.  Enjoy today.

How can you play in the ocean?  Are you enjoying the view?

-Monica


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Download my free guide—5 Strategies to Get Rid of Self Doubt.  

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Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your introductory session.  Use Code: Seven and receive $50 off your first session!

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Having an event?  Contact me at contactus@iamwys.com for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.


Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your introductory coaching session for only $7 (Use the Code: SEVEN for a $50 discount).  We’ll determine if the 5 Week Challenge is for you! —Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


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Monica’s Corner…

Monica’s Corner…

Ask a Life Coach 

Dear Monica: I’m a lady of a certain age and I have been out of school for nearly 20 years.  I love my job but I’d really like to be promoted.  With the position I’m currently in, I do not qualify for a promotion because I do not have enough college credits.  I’m scared to go back to school.  Really scared.  I’ve been out of school for so long that I don’t think I can do it.  Do I just accept that I won’t ever get a promotion or do I focus my efforts on something different.  I do have a business part-time but I’m not as focused on my business nor returning back to school.  I love my actual job and it’s really flexible.  Even if I left this job, I would still not qualify without going back to college.  Help. – B

Dear B: First, you have to decide what you truly want for your life.  Do you want that promotion?  Do you want to focus on your business?  Or can you somehow do both?  The feeling of fear and uncertainty are normal.  I remember when I decided that I would go back to school for my Masters.  I had been out of college for about 7 years.  I was terrified.  Honestly, half-way through I wanted to just quit.  I did not and about a month ago I graduated with my Masters.  It took me about two years to finish but I am so glad I took that leap.  If you really want that promotion, you are going to have to do the very thing that scares you.  Guess what, even if you don’t go back to school, the time will pass anyway and you will still be in that position.  Are you okay with that?  You mentioned your job was flexible.  Are they willing to let you devote some time to school while at work?  Some jobs understand that class credits are needed for promotion opportunity.  Talk with your supervisor and see if they are willing to help you with class credits, financially and through support.  I won’t sit here and say school will be a breeze.  It will be difficult.  You will second-guess yourself.  You will want to quit.  However, do not quit on you.  And guess what, it’s only temporary.  Temporary sacrifice for a lifetime gain.  Here’s what I want you to do:  Gather your transcripts and find out how many credits you truly need.  Call a few schools in the area or even online and talk with them about their programs.  Find a program that best suits your needs.  Set a realistic timeframe to return back to school.  This means paying for the class by that date.  Now, as for your business, is your heart in your business?  If school is just not in the cards for you, yes, you can definitely focus on your business.  The choice is up to you.  Make the choice that brings in additional income while being fulfilling to you.  Either way, continually remind yourself that rather you sit stagnant or make strides towards accomplishing your goals, the time will pass anyway.  As I always say, you have to get out of your own way and live the life you desire.  You decide what is best for you but it may not be a walk in the park.  However, it will all be worth it when you accomplish that very goal you’ve been desiring.  Thanks for writing in!!

  • Monica

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Monica’s Corner…

Monica’s Corner…

Ask a Life Coach

Dear Monica: I was so hesitant about this and really had to work up the nerve.  I work in the Ask a Life Coach
insurance field and there is not a lot of room for growth where I reside.  I’m comfortable here, our house is paid for and we are comfortable, however, both my husband and I are getting bored with our jobs because there isn’t a lot of room for growth or opportunities. We are considering moving, there is a lot of opportunity in both our fields.  He’s ready to leave, but I’m terrified (mostly because we will be paying rent again after 10 years).  I know what the answer should be, but I think it would help hearing it from someone that is successful and took that jump. – A

Dear A:  First, I want to thank you for working up the nerve to write in your question.  You’re already taking the first step at getting uncomfortable.  Fear and hesitation are normal emotions that we must acknowledge.  Even though we acknowledge them, this does not mean that we succumb or give into them.  Here’s what I want you to do:  Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle.  I want you to write the pros and cons of staying where you are now versus moving for potential opportunity.  Which list is longer?!?  Sometimes, even if one list is longer or shorter than the other, some pros have a heavier weight than the cons.  Can you and your husband secure a position with growth opportunity prior to the move?  I know several companies who have assisted their employees in transitioning to a new job in a new area.  Can you remain with the same company and transfer to the new area?  Once you get to the area, you can both establish realistic timeframes of finding even more opportunities!  Now, in regards to the rent, I know the feeling.  I remember when I first moved to the Washington DC area, I had a roommate.  After a year, my roommate decided it would be best for her to move in with some relatives to save money.  I still hold this against her till this day.  Just kidding 🙂  Honestly, I panicked.  How was I going to find an apartment just as good for about the same price in this high DC area rent market.  I established a budget and what I was willing to pay.  Yes, I had to pay about $300 more than what I was accustomed too.  Your husband seems onboard with the possible move so I would sit down with him and research the rental rates in the area and establish a budget that makes you both comfortable.  With new opportunity comes more money!  Who knows, you may love the area and end up purchasing a house there too!  Have you considered renting out your current home?  If so, you can use some of that money towards your rental in the new location.  Ultimately, sometimes change is uncomfortable.  Change is not always easy.  As I always say, sometimes you have to simply do it in fear.  Sometimes you have to take that jump in uncertainty.  If you’re tired of watching the same rerun on the tv, you have to get up, get the remote and change the channel.  You can do this.  You just have to silence that little fear bug and create a realistic plan that both you and your husband can agree on.  You and he are more than capable of accomplishing what you all desire.  Set a realistic timeframe, budget, and save for the move.  Save an amount that you and your husband feel comfortable in the event you move before one of you has a new job.  I think that you know the answer.  You just have to convince yourself.  What’s stopping you?  Is it a legitimate fear or are you standing in your own way.  As I always say, get out of your own way and live the life you desire.  It’s your canvas, paint it 🙂  Thanks for writing in!!

-Monica


Are we connected on social media??

Facebook: monicataylorspeaks

Instagram: monicaspeaks_

Twitter: monicaspeaks_

Periscope: monicaspeaks_

Download my free guide—5 Strategies to Get Rid of Self Doubt.  

Download my free guide- 5 Ways to Practice Self-Care


Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your complimentary, yes free, introductory session.

Have a question for a life coach?  Submit your question here.  

Having an event?  Contact me at contactus@iamwys.com for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.  


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The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Heard About Goals

The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Heard About Goals

Can you believe we are basically halfway through the year?  How are you doing with those 2017 goals?  Did they last beyond February, March?  It’s time to check-in on the various goals you set for 2017.   Here is the worst advice I’ve ever heard about goals:

  1. You don’t have to check in periodically on your goals.    

    No really, has anyone ever heard of this advice?  It is so important that you check-in periodically on your goals.  Rather it be monthly or bi-weekly, you need to continually assess your progress.  Progress does not happen overnight.  However, if you are not checking in, you may forget or simply find yourself no longer paying the necessary attention to your goal.  Have you checked in on your goals lately?  Today is a perfect day to see what areas you can improve in while giving yourself credit for the many things you have accomplished.  Celebrate the small wins just as much as you embrace the large ones.

  2. Goals should never be written down.  

    No seriously, they really should be written down.  I prefer to write my goals down on something I am forced to see regularly.  I actually have a whiteboard near the front door in my house.  It contains a summary of my goals.  Yes, I look at my goals each time I walk out of my house.  It serves as a reminder that I am not yet done.  I also write down my accomplishments.  Sometimes we get so focused on the big goal that we do not even realize what we have already accomplished.  I know I’m not the only one who is guilty of being too hard on themselves.  Take the time to write down your goals.  Make a vision board.  Put it somewhere you’re forced to look at everyday.  Today is a perfect day to revise any goals that need tweaking or simply define others a little further.  Have you written your goals down lately? 

  3. Goals tend to just accomplish themselves.  You don’t need to break big goals into small chunks.

    It can be overwhelming when we set huge goals.  At the beginning of the year we are motivated and inspired to accomplish every goal we set.  However, motivation will vary.  You must be disciplined.  This is why it helps to break goals into small chunks.  These chunks should be measurable and attainable.  Goals do not just accomplish themselves.  You must break the larger goals into small attainable chunks.  Have you checked in our goals lately?  It’s time to finish 2017 strong.  Cheers to the halfway mark!!   Be sure to book your free introductory coaching session.  I’d love to help you reach your goals.  Get out of your own way and live the life you desire!

    -Monica


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    Have you considered a Life Coach?  Click here to book your complimentary, yes free, introductory session.

    Have a question for a life coach?  Submit your question here.  

    Having an event?  Contact me for speaking packages.  I would love to share my story and motivate others at your next event.  


     Have you heard about my 5 week challenge?  Do you need help defining your vision, setting goals, and removing external and internal roadblocks?  Be sure to book your complimentary coaching session (yes, free) for more details.  Click here.  If you want to read more about the challenge, click here.


     What’s Your Story? Shop iamWYS Gear

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5 Ways to Practice Self-Care

5 Ways to Practice Self-Care

We must learn to perfect the art of balance and self-care each day.

I believe that self-care is critical to balancing the daily stress and responsibilities of life.  I know exactly what it is like to feel guilty for putting yourself first or simply saying no sometimes.  When I began to continually practice self-care, I no longer apologized for caring for myself, my health, and my peace of mind.  We must learn to perfect the art of balance and self-care each day.  If you find yourself constantly apologizing for needing “me-time,” stop apologizing!  You are not being selfish.  Selfish is not always a  bad word.  You cannot give your family, your friends, your job, or whatever that responsibility is your best version of YOU if you are constantly drained, mentally and physically.  I always make time for myself, even if it is only an hour a day or one day a week.  Sign up to receive my free guide, 5 Ways to Practice Self-Care.  It contains five ways I practice self-care and five affirmations I personally use.

-Monica